


Inner Beauty Ingredients

by Frostylicious



Category: South Park
Genre: Family Fluff, Gen, Karen wanting to work at Raisins to attract a man, Lessons on inner beauty, Of course Kenny doesn't think of it as a spectacular idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 15:05:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13615914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostylicious/pseuds/Frostylicious
Summary: "It doesn't matter if you're a mysterious prince who rides a dark stallion or a kid who doesn't have all of the gold in the world. As much as you probably hate to hear it, Kenny... you're growing up."  Oneshot.





	Inner Beauty Ingredients

**Author's Note:**

> Another oldie. The ending is Godawful cheesy and horrible, my apologies for that. :O
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own South Park; it rightfully belongs to Trey&Matt!

"Guardian Angel, how do I become pretty?"

The masked angel looked up from his cup of imaginary tea, his once bored expression changed to a look of questioning. Karen fiddled with her play set on the round table, grabbing various fake silverware and ripping open old packets of sugar to keep herself from staring at the boy who sat before her. Mysterion blinked once, twice, pondering his little sister's inquiry. Why on earth would she ask that? He sipped the 'tea' and gulped the pretend liquid down his throat.

"What?"

Karen pressed onto the topic again. "How do I become pretty?"

"… Karen," said Mysterion, his voice almost as low as a whisper, "has anyone in your school been causing trouble for you lately?"

The girl hid her lips behind the cup as she took a long, quiet sip. She shook her head 'no' and remained silent. Behind the mask, Kenny furrowed a brow. If she was trying to cover anything up, it was just going to get worse.

"Karen," he started slowly, clasping his hands together underneath his chin. "… You know you can tell me anything, right?" She nodded in response. "… and you know I won't judge you, right?" Another nod. "Is there anyone—girls in your class, boys in a higher grade—like Eric Cartman, for example—harassing you because of the way you look?"

She shook her head.

"Uh-uh," replied Karen.

The question mark on top of the cloak bounced as Kenny cocked his head, looking at her with a pair of puzzled eyes. Karen set down the chipped cup and began to neatly gather the silverware.

"Then what else seems to be the problem?" he asked curiously.

"… Can you keep a secret, Guardian Angel?"

Mysterion smiled knowingly. "Cross my heart."

Karen twirled a lock of her hair, avoiding eye-contact. 

"I've been thinking at working at Raisins for a while now," she confessed.

Not being able to contain himself, the guardian angel broke out into a low laughter. _Wow—wooow. Karen working at a place like Raisins? Really? Seriously? Man, this has to be some sort of a cruel joke—whoa, wait a minute…_

Kenny switched on his "serious business" face again. "I… beg your pardon? Did I hear that correctly? You… you _want_ to work at Raisins?"

"Y-yes sir," said Karen. "Y-you see, even after the boy who rejected me a few weeks ago… my heart still tends to go crazy whenever I see him. Whether it's in the hallway at school, or when my brother and me are getting ice-cream and we bump into him… and then one day, just last week, he invited us over to see his new pet rabbit. He was so kind and polite… and I figured if my personality isn't good enough for him, maybe I should try a new strategy? Do you think it's a good idea to put in an application? I know he likes Raisins! If I started working there, maybe I could attract him and he could learn to like me just like Kim Kardashian!"

Mysterion immediately reached over the table and took Karen's hand, intertwining her fingers in his. He looked at her little thin fingers for a long time before he said, "Karen… sweetheart… I know you only want to force your heart in the right direction, but honestly, I think you will make a big mistake if you started working there."

"I will?"

"Yes," replied Mysterion gently, looking her in the eye. He released her hand only walk around the table. There, Kenny knelt down on one knee and met Karen's level. He swept a strand of hair away from her face, smiling ever so warmly. "Would you like to know why?"

Karen smiled back, equaling his. Her eyes shined with such innocence and curiosity. "Why?"

"Because you're already beautiful."

He saw her eyes get bigger and bigger. Her cheeks, once pale, flushed with the color of a ripe apple. Karen buried her face into her hands. Underneath, she was smiling in secret; it was usually no surprise when her guardian angel dropped little compliments, and it made her feel so special!

"O-oh, Angel," she stammered shyly. "I-I don't know about that—"

"But it's true," Mysterion insisted. He pried Karen's hands from her face and glided a gloved hand across her left cheek, casually brushing off some dirt. "Karen, you may not realize this, but you're so beautiful."

"B-but… but look at me, Angel! I wear smelly clothes, and th-there's always dirt and bruises on my face, and my hair's messy all the time—I just…"

She took in a deep sigh. "… I want to look like those women in Kenny's magazines."

Behind closed lips, Mysterion's teeth clinched and his hands curved into fists.

"What did you say?" he said sternly.

Karen tapped her thumbs nervously together and turned her back to him. Her eyes dropped to the ground, staring at the mismatched carpet. "A week ago… I wanted to borrow one of my brother's NASCAR toys for my Pop-Tart tower… I went to search his room and looked under his bed. Then I found a hidden box… in it was a bunch of magazines with pictures of pretty, skinny girls with loose tops and big breasts."

In seething anger, Kenny pounded a fist into the wall, avoiding any scary acts on his sister. _Way to go, champ…_ , he thought, head down, panting. _Your little sister finds your secret stash of nudity magazines and decides to look through'em… then she starts to feel awful about her image… how the hell can you live with that?_

"Guardian Angel?" squeaked Karen. "Oh, Guardian Angel, I didn't mean to make you mad! I won't work at Raisins if you don't want me to—"

"No, Karen… you didn't make me angry," said Mysterion huskily. "I could never be angry with you…" His eyes darkened. "It's your brother who I'm angry with."

Karen's heartbeat rapidly increased. If her guardian angel could punch a wall, what could he possibly do to Kenny?

"Please," pleaded Karen softly, clutching his cape, "Please don't hurt Kenny, Guardian Angel! I stumbled upon those magazines on my own, I didn't know any better!"

"Listen to me, Karen," whispered Mysterion, sliding down on both knees, his hands on her shoulders. His eyebrows furrowed as he spoke seriously. "I would never wish harm upon your family." She sighed in relief. "But what I want you to know is… you are beautiful, on the inside and out. Your hair is just the right shade of brown; I'm not sure if you know this, but plenty of girls would kill just to have your fluffy thick hair. And those dimples when you smile…" He poked her nose, causing her to giggle; it was music to Kenny's ears. "Those lovely hazel eyes… maybe… when you're older, your mommy will allow you to wear a dash of mascara, huh? It can bring out your eyes." Karen nodded, blushing. "And not to mention that green is such a nice color on you." He tugged at her sleeve, grinning.

"But what else…" He scratched his chin in thought. "Hmm… what else is beautiful about you?" Suddenly, he gasped. "Ah… I know! … Everything in here." He held a palm against her chest. "You have a kind, caring heart, Karen McCormick. Everything in it makes you have the most undying beauty. At this rate, you're probably the kindest soul in all of South Park."

"G-Guardian Angel… p-please stop… I'm not…"

Mysterion smirked. "And so very modest. There aren't many people who have anything humble to say these days."

Slowly, Karen moved away, but it was short lived. She felt the former superhero take both of her hands in his. She looked at him, seeing a glimpse of genuine benevolence in his eyes.

"You shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone by displaying your body to others, especially when to attract men," said Mysterion wisely. "When you're older and you look at the world a different way… someone will come along and fall in love with you. They will love you for you, Karen. Sometimes, they have that effect of making you want to become a better person. But if you want my personal opinion, I think it will be the other way around."

He wiped the tears that began to shed from his sweet little sister's eyes.

"You're… you're so wonderful, Karen," he murmured. "And if Butters Stotch can't see that then he should be the one who isn't good enough for you."

It was that very second when Karen leapt into her hero's arms and nuzzled her weeping face into his shoulder. Mysterion embraced her, his fingers sweeping through her hair.

"Oh… oh Angel," she sniffled, crying her eyes out. "I… I… I love you, s-so much! Y-you always know what to say, an-and… (hiccup) oh, th-thank you! You're the best friend I've ever had!"

She rewarded him with damp and grateful kisses on his cheeks and nose.

~**

Kenny's heart shattered as he watched the crackling flames smolder his once beloved nudity magazines. All those pages filled with feisty, busty girls… expressive lady gardens… revealing outfits… gone.

"Yeah, he's over here!"

The boy in the orange parka looked up from his little fire to see a worried Kyle Broflovski beside him. The Jewish boy's mouth fell open when he saw his friend's most cherished reading material being burned to ashes.

"… Dude, Kenny," he said, confusion taking over him. "… Um. W-wow, this is new. Are you turning over a new leaf or what?"

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed an overly-hyped Eric Cartman, rushing to the scene. "Kenny—dude, dude, what the hell?! Holy crap!"

Hands in his pockets, Stan Marsh marched over the snowy sidewalk to join the three boys who were suddenly captivated by the dancing flames. 

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Kenny's burning his magazines," Kyle answered, who was still in awe.

Stan raised an eyebrow. "… Come again?"

Cartman grabbed Stan by the collar and shook him aggressively. "Kenny's. Burning. HIS MAGAZINES! Didn't you hear Kyle?"

"Let's just call it a sacrifice." The boys looked at their friend, who sighed sadly. He threw them a glare and started to gesture with a hand. "Look. Last night when I came to play with Karen as my Mysterion persona, she asked me how she could become beautiful. She told me that she wanted to start working at Raisins to see if she could attract Butters, despite being rejected by him earlier. Then she confessed that she managed to find a box of my magazines that I hid under my bed and Karen looked through them… a lot of them, I'm not sure how many she read, but…" He trailed off for a moment to sigh again. "… It just made me so angry with myself how she just continued to beat herself up. She wanted to look like the girls in my magazines—exactly like them."

He kicked a mound of snow just to release his anger. Then, all at once, his shoulders slugged and he stared at the ground, feeling ashamed.

"… or take it as a guilt trip. 'Doesn't matter anyway."

Kyle put a consoling hand on Kenny's shoulder. "Kenny… if you look at it this way, I think Mysterion and Karen are helping you more than ever right now. You comfort Karen, tell her what's right from wrong, give her the wisest of advice and—"

"Kyle, that's Mysterion who's talking… not me."

"No, dude. Kenny." Kyle narrowed his eyes, building up authority in his voice. "I'm being serious. You are Mysterion and Mysterion is you. Deep down inside, you were talking to Karen all along. You're doing all you can to lead her down a path to a bright future, and she's helping you discover yours along the way."

A long silence flowed between the four boys as they watched the dying fire before them.

"It doesn't matter if you're a mysterious prince who rides a dark stallion or a kid who doesn't have all of the gold in the world… As much as you probably hate to hear it, Kenny… you're growing up."


End file.
